Tuesday, November 18, 2008

If my life is as it should be...

And no one else is going to stand in judgement of it... then why do I?

Oh sociologically we could analyze that all day long. I don't want to act all "bourgeois" and pretend I have nothing better to do than make sure I appear as though I'm one of those ultra trendy, organically clothed, black coffee drinking deep thinkers, who scoffs at the dinginess that so poignantly surrounds my soul at times... (whhhhaaat?)

Ha ha, I'm such a hypocrite for that statement aren't I?

Jeez, my point is pondering "The Question" you know the one.. the question of life. My life.. (or your life.. we are human and ofcourse inherently will think of ourselves first).

I read an interesting article recently by Po Bronson, writer for the magazine Fast Company.
Po ended up interviewing 900 "ordinary" people who he says "dared to be honest with themselves" and for 2 years spent a vast amount of time with the incredible 70 that he narrowed down to what he believes is humans... living their life with purpose (well, my words, not his..which if you want to check out the article go here .

The Question (remember, about your life?) is what stirred Bronson into this search, he gained some pretty amazing insight, and I love that he shares it with his readers in such a worldly, yet earnest style. It does remind me of Napolean Hill's search, and scientific "lab" type study of the wealthiest people in the world. The difference this time is that Bronson is trying to take "money" out of the equation as a driving force. I wonder how he came up with his criteria for narrowing down the 900 to 70, and if he chose virtues that he was moved by, or that were strictly self apparent in life style.

Either way it got me thinking, and that was the goal, right?

So back to my question.. why do I judge myself, even though I've gotten past ( or have I.. do I dare even ask?) the idea of others judging me? I suppose I couldn't completely. Wouldn't that be impossible? I strive for it... but I get bored and I know that what constantly runs through my head is "I don't want to give the wrong impression". What impression is that exactly?
That I'm not strong?
That I'm not Smart?
I'm not witty?
I'm not a leader?
I'm not, I'm not I'm not... YUCK....

No- I have changed my thinking over the years and I am extremely positive. I am a leader, I am passionate, I love to connect with people and help them figure out "The Question" for themselves... but have I even come CLOSE to answering it myself?
I think this blog is not just about leaving my old ideas of career behind and taking risks... it really is about transparency... evolving and really figuring out what the heck I'm doing here. LOL
You're all thinking "JOIN THE CLUB" right?

Eh.. we're all the same in so many ways huh? I have to really question sometimes if making a huge impact IS was I really have always wanted. I thought it was, but is that because I'm a smart girl who cares about people... and it sounds good? Or is it true? What part is true and to what extent, with out becoming so self indulgent, or even selfless that I become a cliche?

Ahh- fun questions to ponder. I feel like I'm 14 years old again.

I'll have to get back on this one, for now it's late and I don't have the energy.