My top 10 economic predictions

All this doom & gloom about the continued negative economic indicators for 2009 has got me feeling quite rebellious.

Maybe I live in a world of speedboats, waverunners, acres of green grass for golfing, surrounded by majestic white mountains full of pure powder bliss on my snowboard. But I don't care damnit. If I want to see leprechauns running down airport terminals in Dublin (which I REALLY did see that once..) and have a scrumptious hot falafel stand around the corner from my house.. then it's going to happen, whether in my imagination or not.

Of course I'm well aware of the current global situation. I do care, and I do want to help & give back in any way possible to positively impact others... BUT, seriously, I'm among many, sick of the negativity and letting my emotions subscribe to the media. I've actually been pretty good at that for quite some time now.

So with out further ado... regardless of what the media wants to report, and acknowledging all disregard to current indicators.. here is MY Top Ten Economic Predictions for 2009

1. 2009 will start the year in global recession with all of the major economies of the world in simultaneous economic contractions including the U.S., the Eurozone, Great Britain, Japan, and China, as well as a number of smaller economies and emerging markets. Once everyone realizes that these predictions happen every year, they'll all get on with their work & head to the bar to spend loads of cash, hence the recession is over.. or atleast everyone's too drunk to realize it's not.


2. The U.S. Bond index continues going crazy, confusing investors & lenders & consumers to the point of going to the bar drinking their mortgage money away.

3. U.S. unemployment increases toward and possibly exceeds double digits, while the government begins going bankrupt, due to all the "unemployed" people raking in thousands of dollars every month from working online. Offshore accounts abound.

4. Large increases in the number of bankruptcies, especially among retailers, auto related companies, and small businesses. Significant increases in failures of small to medium sized banks. Yet the economy booms due to offshore accounts ballooning, and spending hitting an all time peak in US History.

5. Tall people get paid more, because they are the only ones that actually intimidate the Chinese.

6. Economic Forecasts change predictions every month, sending everyone back to the bars across the globe to watch football & Soccer. The World is a much happier place. Imported Tequilla & Vodka prices plummet, while supply & demand sky rocket. Mexico & Panama are headed toward Super power status.

7. Everyone's house is in threat of loss... to the point that no one does anything about it. The average consumer continues to either refinance or remodify the terms of their loan until we realize that no one is paying for their mortgage. So we give everyone a job to collect on these payments.. in return allowing everyone to pay themselves.

8. Consumer credit further restricted by lenders and late payments and defaults on
credit cards rise sharply. So credit card companies tank, and the world of credit is restructered and revoked temporairily, while people in America learn to spend what they actually have. A new fangled idea in the states has emerged.

9. The Federal Reserve keeps interest rates just above zero, so that everyone has more money to spend at the bar.

10. Worries about falling prices earlier in the year turn to realization that there is no science to economics... but complete BS & Philibustering/speculation.